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The Party

 

We could hear the party noises as we ascended the stairs. Tinkling glasses, high pitched laughter, rippling murmurs. Some sort of music playing in the background wrapping it all up. Josh pushes the door open and goes right in, up to a group of guys playing beer pong, while I remain at the door struggling to take off my boots. A guy in a blue shirt comes out of the kitchen, and looks at me confused. I figure it’s the host.

 

“Oh hey, I’m Julie. I’m with Josh”

 

“Ah. Come in, come in. Feel at home. There’s drinks over the table there, help yourself…”

He trails off as someone or something catches his attention, and he drifts off in the fashion typical of party-hosts trying to keep things from catching fire. 

 

I’m left all alone again. I push past a group of highly excited women discussing the latest in computer vision, past two preppy looking men discussing their good ol’ Princeton days, past a lonesome dude in sitting in a chair looking dazed out of his fucking mind, and finally find myself at the drinks table. I load up on vodka, on rocks, and a plate of nachos. It’s going to be a long evening. I just need an unobtrusive corner to hide in now.  

 

I find an empty spot near the TV-some sort of high-pitched neo-pop music is playing on it and people are keeping their distance. Josh is nowhere in sight. He’s probably found some of his friends from the university to discuss all of the latest research they are doing or the latest girls they are bedding or how the new video game that hit the market last weekend is The Shit, Man. He’s probably forgotten I’m here; or maybe he remembers but knows that I’m just going to be around anyway, waiting for him, waiting on him. I’ll probably not see him for the rest of the evening. 

 

I sit nursing my drink, sometimes swirling a nacho in it to add a bit of saltiness to get the edge off the bitter sharpness of the spirit. As I sit there I wonder what in God’s name I am doing here. In this room full of strangers, in this apartment in the middle of silicon valley, in this stupid two-hundred dollar periwinkle blue dress with carefully handcrafted velvet hemline that is so out of place in the sea of denim and black, in this land of code, coffee, computers..multi-billion dollar companies running the world from behind glowing screens. What the fuck am I doing here, with my pretty double major in English Lit and Art History. You don’t belong here, I hear my mother scream inside my head. I don’t know where the hell I belong, anyway. I just keep going from one job to another, from one city to another, from one man to another-and still keep continuing feeling...homeless. 

 

I sip on my drink some more. The TV is playing Lana Del Rey’s Summertime Sadness-it’s one of my favorites. Someone taps me on the shoulder.It’s Josh. He’s asking if me I’m having fun. He doesn’t wait for an answer, and asks if I would dance with him. 

 

I down my drink, and I dance.